The best teacher I ever had was my undergrad advisor, who I still keep in touch with. He's won several teaching awards and is *still* totally neurotic about his teaching - nightmares and everything - after 30 plus straight years. So, I think you're right - like only sane people wonder if they're insane, maybe only good teachers bother to worry that they might be bad teachers :)
Ah, "Dead Poet's Society." The thing I loved about Williams and my undergrad prof was how *inspiring* they were to the people around them, and how they weren't afraid to lay it all out - tell the truth and say what they ment. I'm not a terribly outgoing person (understatement of the week), so part of what's been hard is developing my public teaching persona - finding a ballance between distanced authority and interpersonal warmth.
What I think I was referring to last time was that I've had to accept that no, I'm not going to get through to *everyone* and not everyone will even like me much, but that's ok. This year, being able to control my own class really has been rewarding - especially this semseter when I can refine and improve the class from last term. I don't feel like I'm dramatically altering any of their lives, but once in awhile I see a lightbulb go off behind someone's eyes, and that feels pretty cool :)
Becoming a teacher is always a possibility - one that looks more or less attractive depending on my mood at the time. One day at a time, ya know? Part of the fellowship rejection angst was that missing those kinds of opportunities takes me down a very slippery mental slope - I immediately conclude that if I didn't get x academic achievement I won't ever get a job/tenure/whatever. So, it led me to start thinking - what in the world would I do if I *don't* end up in academia? In my department we all joke that we'll all end up drivibg cab together. But stuff like this review give me hope that even if this whole professor gig doesn't quite work out, there are other worthwhile things I could be doing. I would be ok.
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The best teacher I ever had was my undergrad advisor, who I still keep in touch with. He's won several teaching awards and is *still* totally neurotic about his teaching - nightmares and everything - after 30 plus straight years. So, I think you're right - like only sane people wonder if they're insane, maybe only good teachers bother to worry that they might be bad teachers :)
Ah, "Dead Poet's Society." The thing I loved about Williams and my undergrad prof was how *inspiring* they were to the people around them, and how they weren't afraid to lay it all out - tell the truth and say what they ment. I'm not a terribly outgoing person (understatement of the week), so part of what's been hard is developing my public teaching persona - finding a ballance between distanced authority and interpersonal warmth.
What I think I was referring to last time was that I've had to accept that no, I'm not going to get through to *everyone* and not everyone will even like me much, but that's ok. This year, being able to control my own class really has been rewarding - especially this semseter when I can refine and improve the class from last term. I don't feel like I'm dramatically altering any of their lives, but once in awhile I see a lightbulb go off behind someone's eyes, and that feels pretty cool :)
Becoming a teacher is always a possibility - one that looks more or less attractive depending on my mood at the time. One day at a time, ya know? Part of the fellowship rejection angst was that missing those kinds of opportunities takes me down a very slippery mental slope - I immediately conclude that if I didn't get x academic achievement I won't ever get a job/tenure/whatever. So, it led me to start thinking - what in the world would I do if I *don't* end up in academia? In my department we all joke that we'll all end up drivibg cab together. But stuff like this review give me hope that even if this whole professor gig doesn't quite work out, there are other worthwhile things I could be doing. I would be ok.