Take it from someone with long and varied experience in both secondary ed. and higher ed...we all feel like complete incompetents on occasion, and in my experience, the really good teachers feel in the early years like they are the worst teachers ever. I certainly did. I made the most egregious and embarassing mistakes imaginable (okay, short of actually bedding a student). BUT, it's never as bad as you think it is, and do you know why? Because you'd be TOTALLY CLUELESS to even the suggestion that you MIGHT be "bad" at it if you WERE actually bad at it. That is, in my experience, the teachers who were/are the worst usually either a) have no idea or (b) don't give a flying rat's ass if they suck.
You strike me as enormously talented, intelligent, and conscientious, and I think you are and would be a great teacher in the future, if life takes you that way, though I know you've said that you don't intend to go that route.
You know, it's funny--in a response to a comment of mine awhile back, you noted that you realized you'd never be a "Dead Poet's Society" quality teacher. That resonated deeply with me because THAT movie is what made me decide to teach English. And, I finally ended up at a private, expensive, all-boys school on the far end of conservative. (And we're actually considering going to blazers with a crest!!!!) But in the earliest days, I thought I sucked as a teacher, and I despaired of EVER being like Robin Williams' Mr. Keating. Now, I know that I never will be, if only because that was FICTION, and real boys are much, much more challenging. But, I've discovered how rewarding it is in other ways (and thankfully, no one has killed himself on my watch, though it's been a near and terrifying thing on occasion).
Anyway, I'm not trying to sell you on becoming a teacher; I just wanted to tell you that I'm not surprised that you got a good review, and I suspect that you're a much better teacher than you give yourself credit for.
I'm sorry about the fellowships; I totally get your disappointment. But congratulations on the positive feedback on your teaching!
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Date: 2005-02-26 12:51 pm (UTC)You strike me as enormously talented, intelligent, and conscientious, and I think you are and would be a great teacher in the future, if life takes you that way, though I know you've said that you don't intend to go that route.
You know, it's funny--in a response to a comment of mine awhile back, you noted that you realized you'd never be a "Dead Poet's Society" quality teacher. That resonated deeply with me because THAT movie is what made me decide to teach English. And, I finally ended up at a private, expensive, all-boys school on the far end of conservative. (And we're actually considering going to blazers with a crest!!!!) But in the earliest days, I thought I sucked as a teacher, and I despaired of EVER being like Robin Williams' Mr. Keating. Now, I know that I never will be, if only because that was FICTION, and real boys are much, much more challenging. But, I've discovered how rewarding it is in other ways (and thankfully, no one has killed himself on my watch, though it's been a near and terrifying thing on occasion).
Anyway, I'm not trying to sell you on becoming a teacher; I just wanted to tell you that I'm not surprised that you got a good review, and I suspect that you're a much better teacher than you give yourself credit for.
I'm sorry about the fellowships; I totally get your disappointment. But congratulations on the positive feedback on your teaching!
*hugs*